he’s using two now?
This is a delicious mix.
A man in the grocery store line today approached me and said, “Sir, when I first saw you I was extremely attracted to you, but then I noticed that you are a boy. How… I mean, why do you dress so provocatively?”
I responded, “Well, in today’s world the majority of the straight male race view women as objects, or something that belongs to them. I dress provocatively because it attracts the attention of men in a sexual and OBJECTIVE way. However, when realized that I am actually male, they often become confused, disgusted, upset or all of the above. By inflicting this minor emotional damaged upon the ego of a man raised by twisted societal gender norms, maybe, just maybe the individual will think twice before viewing another woman with an objective attitude and sense of belonging. No woman, belongs to ANYONE. Male or female, the equality of human beings needs to be a priority. It is something worth dressing up for.”
I AM NOT KIDDING. The woman behind me, the female cashier, the old lady bagging groceries and the woman in front of me who was talking on the phone STOPPED, …. and proceeded to gasp and clap. The man shook my hand, told me to have a blessed day and then said, “excuse me ladies, I need to visit my daughter.”
…. I was shaking by the time I walked out of the store.
- Elliott Alexzander
I REALLY love this person.
The house centipede (Scutigera coleoptrata). You may be looking at this thing and thinking that centipedes only have one set of legs per segment and ergo I’m a dirty liar. I do not blame you for thinking this. However, if you flip them over, you’ll see that those hard plate-looking things down its back don’t really correspond to the segments you can see on their ventral sides. So there.
Above: Suck on it.
You may also be looking at them going “House centipede? As in, my house?” and the answer to that is…maybe?
They don’t have to live in houses. They do, however, like to live in houses, because then they get to eat the vermin that we attract. They only get to be about an inch and a half, though, so they’re not usually big enough to notice.
Their little forcipules typically aren’t strong enough to break human skin, and their venom’s not much worse than a bee sting if you do manage to run afoul of the biggest of them. They’re not really aggressive toward large animals, and they have very good eyesight for centipedes, so mostly you’re in the clear. They like to just run straight up walls, though, so feel free to continue hating them for frightening you and being creepy.
They do exhibit courtship behavior, with the dude-centipedes going out, finding receptive ladies, and rolling out a silk carpet for her. Before you start thinking of this as too over the top, the silk carpet is promptly jizzed all over. They don’t exhibit much post-nuptial care, however. Lady-centipedes take the sperm, use it to fertilize her eggs, and then deposits the eggs in a suitable substrate location with their own little silk carpet and takes off.
Their last pair of legs look like antennae, but they have no special function except the confusion of predators. These little bastards can shed any of those ridiculously long legs with the greatest of ease, which lets them scuttle off more or less unharmed when something mistakes their ass for their face and pounces on the wrong end.
Did I mention that their legs aren’t the same length? Nope. That is not an optical illusion. Every pair of legs gets slightly longer the further you go from the head. This is ostensibly a mechanism to keep them from tripping themselves, but I’m pretty sure it’s actually just a byproduct of living in a world without mercy.
These assholes infested the basement of a house I rented in for school, my roommate would find them in the bed or clothes left on the floor. Needless to say after that I was happy to be on the top floor (although one ended up on the ceiling of the room next to me, fell onto my roommate in the middle of the night and bit him when he tried to wipe it off).
“Knowing that he wouldn’t be there for her wedding, a terminally ill father walked his 11-year-old down the ‘aisle’ years early with the pastor sweetly pronouncing them ‘daddy and daughter’.
Jim Zetz, 62, from Murrieta, California, who has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, proudly held his daughter, Josie’s hand during their backyard ceremony on March 14 and placed a sparkling ring on her index finger.”
Oh wow, this one really hurts.